I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
