We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
