You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
