I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
