sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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