chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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