This is not my ceiling
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
