3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Let's paint friendship bongs
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize