Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
