i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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