Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
