chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
