I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
