I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
