Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize