I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
