i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
