I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
