My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize