All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
