i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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