all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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