before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
