Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
