Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
