no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
did i walk over a car last night?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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