Please, let me fuck your mom
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
