So drunk its hurt
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
