Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the day after is always just damage control
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
