i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
