Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
