i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
