How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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