Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
