U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
