He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
