You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
