dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
