My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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