you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
