strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
