So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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