That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You are a genius and a whore.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
