when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My penis needs a shock collar
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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