So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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