New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
