White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
