It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
