the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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