you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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