Ambien. No doubt about it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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