can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I didn't notice because vodka
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
