yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
