He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I love you.
Bad choice
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
