She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
