I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Semen is not good for contacts.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
