Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
