Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
