I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
