I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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