You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
