You smell like a Billy Joel song
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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