Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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