quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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