It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
