Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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