I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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