The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
