dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
