watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
