Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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